


But your ghost, the ghost of you it keeps me awake

by ShippingFangirl26



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alpha Phil Lester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Omega Dan Howell, Omega Verse, Phandom Fic Fests: Bingo, Smut, YouTuber Dan Howell, YouTuber Phil Lester, team yalia spooky week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-08 02:30:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16420664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippingFangirl26/pseuds/ShippingFangirl26
Summary: Omega Dan wishes he could find a mate before it’s too late, but he knows all hope is lost…





	But your ghost, the ghost of you it keeps me awake

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the PhandomFicfest Bingo! Crossing the prompts Alpha/Beta/Omega, Playlist, VidCon, Formspring, cuddling for warmth, Spies and Coming Out Video. It’s also Day 2 of mine and [SuccubusPhan's](https://succubusphan.tumblr.com/) [Spooky Week](https://archiveofourown.org/tags/team%20yalia%20spooky%20week)! Thank you angel, for beta’ing and for being so understanding. <3

For most of his youth Dan had been told how his life was going to be. He was supposed to be the big, strong Omega, the one that stands tall as a successful Lawyer, finds their Alpha and settles down.

 

He was supposed to carry the weight of the family name. He was supposed to be the successful one.

 

Until his brother had come along and destroyed it with his eagerness to take over Dan’s place.

 

Dan wasn’t particularly sad about it. His brother was much more cut out for the job anyway, with his perfect grades and his perfect charm - and the fact that he was an alpha. Not that that mattered much anymore, but he had always held himself in a way that Dan just hadn’t been able to.

 

Which was fine, honestly. Dan wouldn’t have liked it anyways, being a lawyer, being the head of the family. It had given him a drive - a purpose, if you want. Until, suddenly, his little brother had decided he wanted to study law and his parents had gladly replaced Dan in his position. He had immediately dropped out of law, a career he hadn’t been particularly fond of anyways - but he hadn’t found much else to _really_ drive him ever since.

 

Of course, he still had hobbies, had things he enjoyed and a new career he loved, but without the added pressure, he felt detached, somewhat floating adrift instead - like an astronaut up in space that had lost contact to his spaceship. If it would kill him like it would kill an astronaut - only time would show.

 

It probably _would_ , though - considering he needed to find _his_ alpha to survive, and without his study, he barely left his flat anymore.

 

He worked from home, so he didn’t have to leave his house much, if at all. His flatmate and work partner and _best friend,_ Phil, did most of their groceries and other purchases, with all the time he had at hand.

 

See, Phil was a ghost - or at least that’s what people in his state were called. Those who hadn’t found _their_ specific mate when they reached their 24th birthday, would die - but not really. They wouldn’t need to sleep anymore, they would lose most of their smell and stop aging. Which wasn’t a particularly bad thing - it was only that they faded with time. It started out with short intervals where they got almost translucent and couldn’t hold things in their hands anymore. Those intervals got longer with time, longer and more intense, until they were mostly just a ghostlike individuals, able to pass through walls and make themselves invisible.

 

Until one day they faded completely, without any trace left behind. It was a terrifying thought.

 

For Dan, the most terrifying thought was that Phil was one of them. That he was slowly fading from existence.

 

Ghosts were also one of the reasons that Dan rarely left his home. Being outside ment meeting them, and he really just wasn’t cut out for that, especially with the vicious ones - the ones that used their state to do evil; from stupid pranks to scaring people senseless. Phil, on the other hand, had always had a thing for horror and now that he was a ghost himself he rarely got scared anymore.

 

They had first met at VidCon, where they had connected fairly quickly over their love for video games, mangas and the same music. It had been over fairly quickly, though, and they had lost touch. Two months later, at playlist live, they had met again. During the event one of their mutual friends had informed Dan that Phil was searching for a roommate.

 

Dan, at that point, had been fed up with living at home. His parents were barely even tolerating him there after he had stepped down from his position as head of the family and he had wanted to move to London anyways, so he had taken the leap of moving in with Phil.

 

To this day, a few years later, he was still glad he’d done that. Sure, it had been a shock when the smell suppressants Phil used had worn off for the first time and Dan had not only realized that a lot of the smell was gone anyways, but also that he was kind of really, _really_ attracted to what was left of it.

 

The first part still scared Dan, but he saw the second part as an added bonus now.

 

Sex was no rarity in the Howell - Lester-household. The fact that Phil was a ghost didn’t mean his sexdrive was lessened, and Dan’s heats usually hit them both like a brick wall. They originally had decided to keep apart then - normally the omega was able to resist when the other party was a ghost - but he just hadn’t been able to defy the pull. Fortunately, the bad effects of Phil’s condition completely kept away because of Dan’s hormones.

 

Phil was overall pretty lucky, he rarely suffered from symptoms - aside from the general stuff like the sleeplessness and the missing smell - even though he really should have longer translucent episodes by now.

 

Generally the boys didn’t pay it much mind, but this week they were really counting on one, to use it in Phil’s new video - only it didn’t come, so they decided to make it work without it.

 

Phil hadn’t put up a new video for this week yet - he was on a once a week posting schedule, like their joint gaming channel, while Dan was more of a “I’ll post when I feel like it”-guy. He had told Dan weeks ago that he wanted to do video coming out to their viewers as a ghost. So, naturally, Dan had decided to join.

 

He had put off telling his audience he was an omega for about as long as he had his channel. _Why_ he never did, he wasn’t sure, but he was sick and tired of society’s expectations and just never felt up for it. When Phil asked him, though, he was obviously on board.

 

That’s how it always was with him and Phil. If Phil suggested something, he’d rarely say no, if only because he was absolutely powerless against his puppy eyes and pouting lips. His soft, rosy lips...

 

But hey, that’s what best friends were for… Right?

 

_Right?_

 

So today, he found himself in Phil’s room, sat on his bed, covered by the iconic blue and green checkered duvet, Phil by his side. He was obviously aware that Dan was uncomfortable and turned to him before starting to record. “You share what you want to. Okay? This is not Formsprings. I won’t intentionally put you on the spot, and if I still do, we can edit it out. We’ll be fine.” His voice and eyes were incredibly gentle and Dan felt himself relax. He took a deep breath before gesticulating Phil to hit play on his camera.

 

“Hey guys!”

  
:::  
  


When they were done, Phil immediately started editing while Dan choose to get back to his room and dissolve into an anxious mess. He had no idea how their audience would take it, especially because they had known Phil as an alpha since day one - but now, suddenly, he came out as being an omega, and there was no way in hell Phil wasn’t affected by his heats. Their fans had always been particularly good at jumping to conclusions - he could practically hear the phanfics starting to write themselves.

 

It shouldn’t really matter much to him - the shipping couldn’t possibly get any worse at this point - but somehow, it did.

 

Maybe because this time, they’d be right, and maybe that would make it real. Not the fact that they had sex regularly, mind you - they _did_ have _amazing_ sex, not only during his heat, and Dan was more than okay with that - But the fact that it meant something. Because it couldn’t.

 

It couldn’t mean _anything_.

 

Because Phil was a ghost. He’d missed his chance, he’d be _gone_ within the next few years.

  
And that was just the most obvious reason. There was also the fact that Phil didn’t feel _anything_ for Dan, and Dan had made his peace with that. Really, he _had_.

 

He groaned when he sat up after what felt like a few minutes, head spinning and a ringing in his ears that he was sure hadn’t been there when he had laid down. His phone was vibrating somewhere in his jeans pocket and he fumbled to get it out.

 

A short look to the display didn’t only tell him that a few hours had passed since they had been done filming - but also why his phone was vibrating insistently.

 

In his head, Dan was already making plans. He’d have to push his bed back against the wall to make a cozy cave with a few cushions and blankets - and raid Phil’s laundry basket. Or maybe he could take over Phil’s bed for the time being - he’d be in there with him anyways.

 

Chuckling at the thought he left his room to giddily search for _his_ alpha -

 

Yup, that was definitely his heat talking.

 

Or wasn’t it?  
  


He strolled into the living room, where Phil sat with his Macbook, some show running on the TV in the background. “Can I take over your bed?” he asked straightforwardly, an excited feeling bubbling in his chest and a bright smile on his face as he sat down right next to Phil.

 

Phil’s eyes, previously completely focused on the screen of his laptop, shot up immediately. They made contact with Dan’s for approximately 0.2 seconds before he raised his nose, nostrils flaring and eyelids half down in pleasure. He hummed appreciatively. “Only if you let me stay there with you.” He sat his laptop aside before darting forward, instantly going to nuzzle Dan’s neck.

 

Dan chuckled again. Phil had always had a really good nose for his hormones and he relished in that fact a lot. “Of course.”

 

At the beginning, he had always given Phil an out, setting his timer a few hours ahead to be able to warn him beforehand. Now, years later, he still set his alarms, but he didn’t ask Phil if he wanted to leave anymore. The Alpha knew he _could_ in the first stages of it, when the pull wasn’t quite as strong yet; but Dan refused to give him an easy way out - a heat without Phil would hurt _a lot_ , that was for certain.

 

For a few minutes they just set there, closely perched together, Phil almost religiously sniffing Dan’s intensifying heat-scent, when he stiffened out of nowhere, shooting up into a sitting position. “Wait, now?” he asked, eyes wide. “But your birthday is in exactly four weeks. I know that because our _Fun Month_ was supposed to start tomorrow, remember?”

 

 _Fun Month_ was something Phil had come up with months ago, when it had become clear that Dan most likely would become a ghost, too. Normally, omegas had a natural drive to find their alpha once they turned 22, giving them some kind of direction they had to take, but Dan never did; he had always been quite content staying in the flat - meaning his chance of finding _his_ alpha were almost zero. Which he was fine with, honestly, but Phil seemingly wasn’t. So, after some disagreements - of Phil wanting to get Dan out there more and Dan refusing to - they had settled on four weeks of fun before Dan’s life started to fade out.

 

Quickly doing the math in his head, Dan realized that Phil was right and started laughing. “Guess I’ll literally go out with a bang, then!” he squeezed out, still laughing uncontrollably, and Phil gasped. “Dan!”

 

Dan just waved his hand in a dismissive manner, unable to control his breathing and still giggling profusely.

 

“Maybe I should leave,” Phil suggested with a deep frown. “Give you one last chance to let your alpa come find you?”

 

“Nah,” Dan answered in a cute tone that he _knew_ Phil was unable to resist, snuggling to him in a submissive way, the most omega-like movement he had ever allowed himself to make. “What better way is there to go out than getting banged by you?”

 

He knew he probably would never allow himself to be so bold without a heat coming and that this was most definitely his hormones talking, but he didn’t care. It would be over in four months anyway, why would it matter?

 

As he predicted, Phil caved almost instantly. “Fine,” he murmured, going back to his task of nuzzling Dan. “How can I say no to _that_?”

 

:::

 

Dan’s heat and the _Fun Month_ went over in what felt like the blink of an eye. He had hardly taken a breath and suddenly, it was June 10th, so he moved to do his preparations. He had started hogging Phil’s unwashed laundry days in advance - because even though he would be there with him they still needed to eat and Dan would definitely need his scent to stay with him when Phil would have to get up to get something. He had also put various cushions on the bed, topped it with three duvets and et voila - done was his heat dent.

 

A bit later, Phil got home from Tesco, where he had gotten groceries to last for the next few days as he always did, like a good alpha - even though he technically wasn’t Dan’s and would never be, since he was unable to mate - and he didn’t even seem fazed by Dan’s work. He just hummed contentedly when he discovered Dan already snuggled up in his fort of cushions and duvets and Phil’s worn shirts.

 

Dan watched as Phil made his way to the bed before leaning over him. “Get some sleep before it starts, okay?” he whispered and gently brushed an astray lock away from Dan’s forehead. “I’ll prepare some fast things to eat in advance.”

  
Dan, albeit reluctant to let him go, nodded timidly. Phil gave him a tiny peck on the lips before he moved out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

 

Dan’s breathing hitched and his eyes went wide as soon as Phil was gone. His heat-hormones or scent wasn’t _that_ bad yet, so -

 

_What was that?_

 

::::

 

He woke up to the feeling of slick between his legs and a hunger for sex like never before. A quick look to his phone showed him that it was almost half past one in the night. The last information his brain provided was that it was only around an hour till his actual birthday - 1:38 AM - before it flung itself into the fire of his heat, every rational thought gone.

 

“Alpha,” he whimpered, almost breathlessly, cocooned by the soothing smell of his alpha - an alpha who wasn’t _there_. “Phil!” he shouted, louder this time, and somewhere in the flat, something crashed, then he heard a low growl and hurried footsteps.

 

Mere seconds later, the door got pushed open by a completely disheveled Phil, his hair a mess and a wild look in his eyes that screamed of nothing but _want_. His nostrils flared as he took a deep breath through his nose before coming closer to the bed. Dan’s body was stuck somewhere between _pleasure_ because his alpha was close and _need_ because close was _not close enough_.

 

He whimpered again, lowly, and Phil reacted exactly like he wanted him to. Before he could even blink Phil had gotten rid of his clothes and was climbing onto the bed, stark naked, already hard. Dan sighed in relief as they kissed and Phil’s hand worked to get rid of the loose sweatshirt and joggers he was wearing. His pants, already soaked, went along with them and his cock was already aching. He didn’t know what he wanted more, Phil’s mouth around his cock or his knot in his hole, so he just hummed contentedly into the heated kisses while rocking up his hips.

 

Their cocks slid against each other in a deliciously promising way and Dan moaned. Phil’s mouth wandered from his lips to his neck, nuzzling and licking and nipping, marking him as bad as he could. Something primal in Dan recognized the gesture and realized that the alpha in Phil had chosen Dan as _his_ Omega, but there was no way for him to process that into a coherent thought. Instead, he just moaned again, arching his neck into the ministration, baring his mating gland in the process. Phil nibbed at it with utmost care without really biting into it before moving lower.

 

He left a trail of hot kisses across Dan’s chest, taking his time to lick and suck at both nipples and Dan was close to _purring_. He continued lower, lower, _lower_ , teasingly letting his hand brush Dan’s achingly hard cock as he moved his body, his mouth constantly nipping and sucking into Dan’s skin, marking him as _his_.

 

The omega in Dan literally purred this time, but his body ached at the teasing and he wanted nothing but _release_. “Nghn,” he squeezed out, not a recognizable word by any means but Phil understood him anyway. His mouth, previously busy leaving marks on Dan’s inner thigh, traveled up and finally, _finally_ wrapped around Dan’s cock. He moaned in pleasure as Phil first gently licked over its slit before taking him deeper until he was completely buried in Phil’s mouth.

 

He was _buzzing_ with pleasure, so caught up that he didn’t even realize Phil’s hand was spreading his legs, until a finger was moving up his inner thigh, teasing at his rim.

 

“Phil,” he gasped out in between moans. He probably would be surprised he got the name out correctly if he’d had brain capacity available, but he didn’t, so he just squirmed under the touch, trying to make Phil stop teasing and start doing.

 

His world went white for a second when Phil pushed the first finger in, the vibration of his moans shooting straight into Dan’s cock, and Dan felt a core of heat building somewhere at the pit of his stomach.

 

“Nghn… Close,” he managed to squeeze out before he gasped as Phil pushed the second finger in. It was still a pretty comfortable fit and he thanked their idea of _Fun Month_ for that - Fun outside-activities during the day, fun _other_ activities during the night - when Phil started to move his fingers in a scissoring motion. For a second, Dan was distracted from the heat coursing through him as Phil stretched him, but the burning sensation was over as fast as it had begun.

 

Moments after Phil had added the third finger, starting to curl them deliciously, Dan came, a panting, moaning mess as Phil sucked at his cock, swallowing it all.

 

For approximately half a second he felt nothing but cold pleasure coursing through his veins, rendering him motionless - then the heat came back, making him reach out to Phil, pulling him up and kissing him heatedly.

 

He pressed his cock, already hardening again, against Phil’s thigh before spreading his legs as wide as possible. Phil rewarded him by moaning into his mouth, pushing his hips down to press his cock against Dan’s.

 

“Do it,” Dan moaned out as Phil’s head teased his rim, pushing up his hips to line up his hole with Phil’s cock.

 

Pure, cold pleasure coursed through his boiling hot veins and Dan’s world vanished as Phil started moving inside of him. He loved his alpha so _damn_ much it physically hurt.

 

Phil’s mouth wandered from Dan’s lips down to his neck, nibbling and sucking at it again, all the while continuing to fuck into him. A knot was forming at the base of his cock and Dan basked in the feeling of it, moaning and gasping at the delicious stretch of it moving upwards slowly.

 

He could feel the orgasm building inside of him as Phil’s mouth moved closer to his mating gland, growing and tightening his muscles until -

 

“ _Bite me!_ ” he screamed out as Phil’s knot finally breached him, come shooting into him, and then he followed suit, coming all over his chest.

 

They were still in the midst of their orgasms when Phil finally bit into his mating gland, harsh but gentle at the same time, piercing Dan’s skin with his teeth.

 

Somewhere between the sheets, some limb or the other pushed the home button of Dan’s phone, forgotten in the heat of the moment. Its display lit up briefly, showcasting the time. _01:38._

 

::

 

Dan’s heat stayed for far longer than usual, as was to be expected for the last heat - according to what he’d learnt in school - and it was almost a week later that he finally woke up without slick between his legs and no heat coiling in his stomach. His hole felt raw as he moved and he was pretty sure there were actual bite marks _on his cock_ but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Much.

 

He shifted a bit and turned around to look at the alpha who had slept spooning him. He groaned when Dan moved, but just shuffled closer again to let their bodies touch, seemingly comfortable with just the knowledge that Dan was still there.

 

He sighed, gently pushing few strands of hair away from Phil’s face before using the same hand to brush over his mating gland. He was sure it was bruised and he could even feel the bite marks. It was far from the first time Phil had bitten into it in pure ecstasy, but somehow, this time it felt different. More significant, maybe.

 

He wouldn’t mind it if it would’ve finally been successful. He knew that now not only Phil but also himself were unable to mate, but it was still a nice vision, being mated to Phil.

 

He really wasn’t sure how he’d gotten himself into this mess. Sure, Phil had always been attractive and it had felt like he gravitated towards him, but from the moment he’d realized that Phil was who he was, he should have backed off. But no. No, he had gone and fallen even harder for him -

 

Fallen for a ghost. Like _he_ was now.

 

Brilliant. _Bloody_ brilliant.

 

Overall, he didn’t feel far off from the usual. But he hadn’t really expected to. Phil had told him that the first few days the only thing changing had been his slowly decreasing tiredness.

 

Dan sighed again and turned onto his back to stare at the ceiling.

 

Immediately, Phil shuffled too; moving closer and closer until he was pressed up against Dan’s side, head resting on his shoulder. Dan raised his hand to gently stroke Phil’s hair as he laid there, thinking about everything and nothing all at once.

 

For a moment, all was good.

 

:::

 

A few days later, it wasn’t anymore.

 

Nothing was how it had been supposed to be. Dan felt like _shit_ most of the time now. He was shivering, he felt hot and cold and had a fever so high Phil was getting worried. He reeked of hormones, Phil said but wasn’t able to properly classify them.

 

He felt ready to vomit this evening. His head was spinning and his still bruised mating gland was itching so much he was sure there was a bug sitting there. Only there wasn’t.

 

It was summer outside and pretty warm, but still he shivered, feeling cold all over. He cuddled into Phil’s blanket - for some reason his scent eased Dan’s pain, so he surrounded himself with it all the time now. He even wore one of Phil’s shirts out of the laundry basket.

 

He knew that he was treading different ground here. It wasn’t unusual to do stuff like that when he was in heat - but he wasn’t. If he continued acting like this, Phil would most likely pick up on his feelings, but he didn’t have it in him to care.

 

When Phil got home from Tesco he rummaged around in the kitchen for a while, putting the groceries away. “The cashier told me to greet my mate today. I’m not sure if he was drunk or on drugs,” he told Dan through the open door but he didn’t even understand half of it from the force of the shivers running through his body.

 

When Phil  stepped into the living room and saw Dan’s state, he immediately went to comfort him. His shivers had given him away, Dan guessed as Phil lied down on the sofa, back propped up against armrest, and pulled Dan against his chest, cuddling him close and obviously trying to give him the warmth he needed.

 

He had been sweating in the sun, Dan realized as he sank into the warmth, and had to be quite warm already, but he still did this for his Omega. Dan sighed contentedly, all symptoms gone from his mind as he moved to look up into Phil’s face.

 

He chuckled. “You look like a spy in these,” he teased, lightly tapping the sunglasses still perched on Phil’s nose with a finger. Phil seemed at a lost for words, and only when he spoke did Dan realize why. “Do you feel better?” he asked as he removed the sunglasses from his face, carelessly letting them drop on his coffee table.

 

“I think,” Dan whispered, “It’s always better when you’re close… And it gets worse when you’re gone.”

 

For a second it was quiet, neither of them said a word. Dan was afraid he had revealed too much, had made it too obvious now; but then Phil moved to pull him even closer, and upwards, so they were laying face to face. “I have to tell you something,” Phil said almost breathlessly, gently nuzzling Dan’s neck and Dan would have started wondering if he wouldn’t feel so goddamn good in that moment.

 

“What is it?” he asked, voice husky as hormones started cursing through him. Phil took a deep breath, practically drinking in Dan’s scent, and hummed in obvious contentment. “I love you, Dan.”

 

For a second, Dan’s world stood still before it got pushed out of its axis with a force that made his head spin - in the best way possible. “I love you too, Phil.”

 

Out of nowhere, Phil’s teeth were nibbling at his skin, moving closer and closer to his mating gland until -

 

 _Until_.

 

Until suddenly, his whole universe shifted, thrumming with something unidentifiable as it locked into place with a satisfying click.

 

Until there was a sound ringing through his ears so devastatingly beautiful it had to be an angel’s choir.

 

Until Phil bit into his mating gland.

 

The bond shot through him like a cup of hot chocolate during a cold winter’s day, like the first rays of the sun after an ice storm; like he had been alone all his life, missing a piece, but now it was _there_ , slotting into place like it belonged.

 

And that’s what Dan felt like, too.

 

Like he _belonged._ Belonged with Phil.

 

It took them both a few minutes of heatedly making out until they realized what had happened.

 

Then, Dan shot up from his place on the sofa like he had been shocked by a taser. “What just happened?” he asked, quivering as he tried to listen to what his body was telling him.

 

Their eyes locked as he realized that he could _feel_ Phil, his presence, even a hint of his feelings, like he never had before.

 

Their bond had gone through. They were mates.

 

But how? How, when they both were - were supposed to be…

 

“How?” he whispered, a single, choked up sound, as Phil silently stood up beside him, reaching out to gently rest his hands on Dan’s cheeks.

 

“I don’t know,” Phil whispered back, tears in his eyes that Dan _knew_ were there out of happiness, “But I’m glad it’s you.”

 

 

When Phil got tired at around eleven PM that night, they still didn’t have any answers. They would probably _never_ have.

 

But it didn’t matter.

                         

Because they had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can also [follow me on tumblr](http://shippingfangirl26.tumblr.com) or  
> [reblog this fic on tumblr](http://shippingfangirl26.tumblr.com/post/179462954096/but-your-ghost-the-ghost-of-you-it-keeps-me-awake)!  
> Comments and Kudos would be highly appreciated!


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